4. How to Love Your Voice with Sally Prosser

This transcript was created using Headliner. It has been copied and pasted but not proofread or edited, so it may contain errors or inaccuracies.

Laura met Sally through a client who wanted support launching her podcast

Laura: So, Sally, thank you for joining us today.

Sally Prosser: Oh, Laura, such a pleasure to be here. Thanks for asking me on.

Laura: I, um, met Sally through a client. A client came to me. She wanted support launching her podcast, and she already came to me with a pre written intro, outro and trailer episode. And they were written so well. And she said to me, yeah, my voice coach, Sally Prosser, helped me write this. So I was so interested to know more about Sally Prosser. I looked Sally up and we had a coffee chat online, and I instantly became a member of Soul speakers, which is an, uh, online community. And I recently went to one of her, uh, in person workshops here in Perth, which was speak up for your business. And Sally’s really helped me with my confidence in speaking. So I’m so grateful that you’re here today. Thank you, Sally.

Sally Prosser: Oh, Laura, I’m so proud of you. And I’m so glad that we met through beautiful Belle.

Laura: Yeah, me too.

Why do so many people cringe when they hear their own voice played back

And so today we’re here to talk about listening to your own voice. Why do so many people cringe when they hear their own voice played back to them, do you think?

Sally Prosser: Yeah. Well, it’s such a common phenomenon that there’s a word for it. It’s called voice confrontation. So voice confrontation is that feeling of, oh, my gosh, do I sound like that? And it’s an interesting thing, because I wonder if the next generation, who is so much more comfortable with being recorded and seeing their videos played back, I wonder if they will experience that. I was out with my nieces on the weekend, and they were making videos and playing them back, and I did have this thought going, I wonder if they will grow up and not like the sound of their own voice, because I think that’s one of the main reasons, is that lack of familiarity. So many of us aren’t used to hearing our, uh, voice played back. You’re a podcaster. I’m a podcaster. And those of us who do it, we get used to it because we’re editing. But for a lot of people, they’re not hearing that voice played back or it’s on really low quality old VHS tapes. I remember thinking back, oh, um, and there’s a couple of reasons for it. The first one is that we actually do sound different to ourselves. I say we’ve got inbuilt shower voice, so, you know, you sound really good when you’re seeing in the shower because of the acoustics. It’s the same sort of thing with our skull, right? The hollows of our cheeks and head create, like, caves where the vibrations resonate, and so we sound better to ourselves than we do to other people, you could say. So that’s part of it, is that slight difference. And you can really hear that resonance as well. If you put your hands over your ears and just start talking, it’s like, whoa, really weird vibrations. The second part of it is just us not listening carefully enough to our voice. We’re usually thinking about what we’re saying and listening to the other person. So we’re not tuned into how our voice sounds as we speak it out aloud. But as you know, Laura, I am on a mission for everybody to learn to love their voice. Because if we don’t love our voice and, um, we don’t believe it has influence, then how can we expect other people to love it? And how can we expect it to have influence?

Laura: Yeah, I remember that was something you taught me in soul speakers. You saying, instead of thinking about yourself, think about the message you can bring to other people and how you can help them. And that’s what I think about now when I speak, although I’m not a totally confident speaker, that’s something I always think back on, on how I can use my voice to support other people. So instead of being selfish and thinking about myself, I need to think about other people.

Sally Prosser: Yeah. And you’re doing that so brilliantly. It’s a really good hack. If you’re an introvert as well, you think, okay, it’s not about me. The message doesn’t come from me. The message moves through me. So you sort of imagine yourself as a conduit, as your voice being that channel going, right, I’m here, I’ve started my business, or I’m starting my podcast for a reason. I want to share a message, and the vehicle through which that message comes is the beautiful channel of my voice. So rather than going, oh, my gosh, it’s about me, and I’m speaking, and everyone’s focused on me. It’s like, I am happy to play that role of the conduit for the greater message. Absolutely love it.

Laura: And I think also we think we sound different to what we actually do. So another podcast I listen to, the lady sounds so happy and cheerful, but she actually hates the sound of her own voice. And I’ve said to her, but you sound so happy and friendly and cheerful all the time. But she’s got it in her head that she’s got this weird accent, and I don’t hear that at all. I just think she sounds like a wonderful, friendly person. What do you find the common misconceptions people have about their own voice.

Sally Prosser: Yeah, well, it’s all about our voice story, our speaking story. The perceptions we bring to our own voice is the one that’s reflected back. So if we have feelings about our accent, for example, as it being a flaw, not a superpower, something I hear commonly with what I do with, oh, my gosh, my accent. When I’m like, wow, your accent’s a superpower. Then when we hear it,

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Sally Prosser: then that person’s more likely to go, oh, my go, accent, you know, we hear back the story that we’re telling ourselves inside the real voice is the megaphone for the inner voice, you know? So it’s really important to have that strong internal dialogue. I do have something valuable to say. My voice matters. My voice tells my story. My voice is a core part of my identity, and I love myself. It’s so related to self worth and self love. But I’ll also share a little story that’s come to mind. When I used to work in, uh, tv news, we would start every morning with a conference call across the state. All the different newsrooms, everyone would call in and you’d have to say, all right, here in Rockhampton, we’ve got this happening today, or here in Cairns. And I got some feedback from more than one person that I was so much more friendly in person. Then my voice sounded on the phone. They said that on the conference call, I sounded like a really snarky dragon lady was like the word. And that, yeah, it came across really serious and abrupt, not what I was intending. And so that was really interesting feedback. And so then when I, once I was aware of that on the conference calls, I changed the expression of my face. I changed my body to just, I guess, pretend they were standing right in front of me. And that changed the tone of my voice.

Laura: Isn’t that funny?

Sally Prosser: And so, um, for podcasting, that’s why the physiology is so important. Even if you’re not recording the video and on my podcast, I’m not recording it. I have the video on, but I don’t release it. It helps so much to be able to use your arms to maybe stand up, uh, maybe walk around, have lots of facial expression. So I would always say, you know, speak the way that you would if somebody was right in front of you and that will change the sound of your voice.

Laura: Yeah, I’ve noticed that as well. So I heard it was easier to talk whilst walking around. So before we got on this call today, I was actually practicing asking you the questions whilst walking around the house.

Sally Prosser: Love it.

Laura: I find that easier than standing in front of a computer looking at myself, because it just. It’s not natural, is it? But when you’re walking around, that’s what you would do when you’re having a conversation.

Sally Prosser: Absolutely. And our voice being this energetic channel, and it’s powered by air, right. Our voice is powered by oxygen, and it’s a fluid movement. The air comes in, and then as the air goes out, we speak. There’s flow, there’s movement. So if we’re really stagnant, which is like, right, we’re at the desk in front of the computer. This is why if you’re writing a speech, often when you open up the word document or open up canva, and you’re like, right, I’ve got to start. It can be very difficult to get inspiration because the flow of expression and the flow of our voice comes from movement. I was feeling a little bit lacking inspiration this morning, and I, before this, just went for a walk down the street, and I totally feel like that was worth it, because now, as you can hear, the words are flowing very easily.

Laura: Okay, Sally, that’s great.

Do a voice warm up to become more comfortable with your own voice

So what are some practical techniques people can use to become more comfortable with their own voice?

Sally Prosser: Number one tip is do a voice warm up. So a voice warm up is something that a lot of people don’t, um, think about. Well, compare it to running. Not that I’m much of a runner, I’m more of a yoga and pilates type. But with running, you’re not going to just start sprinting straight away. You need to do a little bit of stretching, a little bit of a warm up. And if you don’t do that, then you one risk pulling a hammy, you know, doing yourself an injury, or you’re just not going to be as fast as you could have been with the warm up. So it’s a similar thing with your voice. If you’re going into a podcast recording, or even making a video on social, or especially speaking on stage, and you’re going in cold, then you run the risk of doing vocal damage, especially over the long term. And anybody who’s shouted at a sporting match or a concert might relate to that feeling of it being a bit raspy the next day. And the next part is just your level of performance. So without a warm up, it might take a little bit of time to get going. You might stumble over some words, all of those things. So with a warm up, and Laura, we’ve done this in soul speakers as well, is the first thing, is to get your body moving, even, uh, just shoulder rolls backwards, forwards, flexing your bottom. No, that sounds a bit funny, but like, flexing your bottom, twisting through the middle. Yeah. Twisting through the middle, flexing and unflexing your feet. If you can walk around, you know, fantastic. Something to get the body moving, then you want to get the breath in. You want the breath to be nice, low and deep. So breathing into the belly and then a nice sigh out. The breathing into the belly and sigh out. Because what can happen, especially when there’s, uh, nerves coming into play, is the breath tends to get higher. Our body’s like a tube of toothpaste being squeezed. And if the breath is really high in the chest, then the voice

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Sally Prosser: often pops out the top, which is why you might notice that your voice does weird things with the pitch. If you’re nervous, you kind of go into this crazy high pitch that early dogs can hear. So we want to bring the breath down into the body, and then the next exercise is to open up the jaw. So it’s very, very common, uh, especially in the UK and in Australia, we have quite tight jaws. And you’ll hear some men have their own language. They don’t open their jaw at all. It’s like, hey, mate, how you going? What have you been up to? Oh, yeah, it’s crazy. And there’s a joke that in Australia, have you heard this, Laura? Why we don’t open our jaws?

Laura: Wasn’t it? So the flies don’t get in?

Sally Prosser: Yeah, yeah, that’s like, so the flies don’t get in. And if you’ve been in, like, outback Australia, you can understand that. So what you want to do is and just be very gentle because the jaw can be quite a sensitive, uh, place. So especially if you have some sort of jaw clicking or anything medical wise going on, be very, very careful doing this. But what we’re going to do is just draw the jaw down like you’re screaming in a silent movie. So we’re just drawing the jaw down like, oh, I know you might not be able to see me right now, but I’m just opening the jaw nice and wide. Aw. Uh, okay. And then we’re going to do an exercise I like to call the surprised donkey. So you won’t forget this one. Surprised donkey. The donkey goes eor. And then surprise is, ah. Uh. So it’s, so it’s e or ah, uh. So you’re stretching out down and down again. So really warming up the jaw will make a big difference to the way you feel before you speak, then. Right. So we’ve got the body, the breath, the jaw, and the lips. So I know you can’t see me. We want to do a. How m would I describe this? A trilling. I don’t know. It’s like this. It’s like blowing raspberries, but not with your tongue out.

Laura: I’d say that’s a good description.

Sally Prosser: Yeah, and that’s a really good one, because if you struggle to do that, like, say, uh, it’s blowing, like, not coming out, it’s a sign that your lips aren’t relaxed. So we do that exercise to really relax our lips, sort of like you’re a horse on a beautiful, sunny, relaxed day. It’s like neighing it all out. And if you do those four steps, it doesn’t take long, it will 100% improve how confident you feel about speaking and, uh, also the quality of your voice and speech. And if you’d like more of this, I have a free set of audio tracks called pep talks in your pocket. So in the pep talks in your pocket, I take you through a warm up, and they’re free to download, so I’ll share those with you, Laura, so you can put it in the show notes.

Laura: That’s great, Sally. I’ll definitely put them in the show notes, and they’re great tips as well. I didn’t know some of those. I remember the raspberry one, but I don’t remember the other one, so it’s a good reminder. So thanks very much.

Laura: What role does mindset play in overcoming discomfort of listening to your own voice

Now I’m going to talk about mindset. So, what role does mindset play in overcoming the discomfort of listening to your own voice?

Sally Prosser: Oh, a huge part. Our physical voice is a megaphone for our, uh, inner voice, and our voice is a product of that internal dialogue, of that story. The most important conversation you’ll have every day is the one you have with yourself. So, if you’re going into a podcast and you’re saying, oh, gosh, I don’t like the sound of my own voice, is anyone going to listen to this? And, oh, I don’t know, I said too many ums and ahs and all these sorts of things. I mean, just accept from the get go that your first episode’s not going to be great. You know, like, I’ve done speaking my whole entire life, and my first podcast episode was a bit how you’re going. I mean, you’ve got to start somewhere and put it out there. But the message is, okay, I’m starting this. I’m trying this. I do have a message to share. And with podcasting, and almost really anywhere we’re speaking, no one’s going around forcing headphones in people’s ears. People have the choice to listen to us, and so if they are there, they want to hear our message, they want to hear our voice. So it’s really important to start with that internal dialogue. Look in the mirror every morning, say, I’m so glad I’m you. I have something valuable to say. People want to listen to me. My voice matters. I deserve to be heard again. I’ve got a whole podcast episode on all of these affirmations, if you’d like to hear them. And over time, that will become the automatic soundtrack, the automatic radio station that we tune into, because the frequency that we’re tuned into is going to be the frequency that others can pick up on. So it’s such important work.

Laura: Yeah, it’s so true. You just got to start, really, don’t you? Otherwise, you won’t get anywhere. And it’s the same with this interview. It’s not going to be perfect, but I’m hoping with practice, I, uh, will improve and get better. And you’ve got to start somewhere, haven’t you?

Sally Prosser: Oh, absolutely. I did an episode on, um,

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Sally Prosser: that boy’s podcast a couple of weeks ago, which is called the power of imperfect action with Steph Taylor. Her podcast is called imperfect action because it’s just about getting started. Getting started, not being paralyzed. You know, often people will say, oh, I’m a perfectionist. I don’t want to put it out unless it’s perfect. But accepting that perfectionism is on the dark side, the light side of that is excellence. And we can only get to excellence by taking those small steps and starting. So I encourage everybody to just start. And you know what, Laura? One thing I’ll quickly add, if somebody comes to me, and it does happen from time to time, and they say, I want to start a podcast, but I don’t like my voice. So I’m going to get the voice coaching first. You know, do all that, and then I’ll start the podcast. You know what I say? I say, start the podcast and come back once it’s going, because I do not want to be the obstacle that stands in the way. I don’t want to be another excuse for you not starting. And they’re usually quite shocked when I say that. But you know what? Most of the time, they go and start it.

Laura: That’s really interesting. I wouldn’t have thought that, actually.

Sally Prosser: Yeah, because, you know, I. I am all about sharing your voice, and I just would not be able to sleep at night if I feel like I am that, uh, obstacle.

Laura: Yeah.

Sally Prosser: Because when we don’t want to do something, or when we’re not, don’t want to do something, but when we’re putting things off, we just find every excuse under the sun to kind of not get there.

Laura: Yeah. And Sally’s podcast is called that voice podcast, and it’s actually really helped me with my confidence in speaking, too. So she has some great tips in there, so we’ll definitely put links to that in the show notes, too.

How important is it for podcast hosts and guests to actively work on their vocal delivery

How important is it for podcast hosts and guests to actively work on their vocal delivery and presence?

Sally Prosser: Oh, extraordinarily important, because we are in the medium of the auditory. A podcast is an auditory medium. Sure. There’s more and more podcasts being videoed and being put on TikTok or on YouTube most of the time. Oh, actually, Laura, you would have more stats on this than me. I’m just thinking of my own behavior. A lot of people listen to podcasts while they’re doing something else, while they’re walking, while they’re in the kitchen, while they’re doing something else, and so they’re just hearing your voice. They’re just hearing your voice. And hearing someone’s voice is the closest thing to touching them. Right. So we have this beautiful opportunity to connect with people on this deep level, which is why I know you talk a lot about this, which is why it’s so valuable to have a podcast, because we can connect with people on such a stronger way than just scrolling past on social media, for example. And alternatively, and I don’t know if I should admit this, but I’m sure we will be in this situation where there have been times where I’ve put a podcast on that’s been recommended to me, and the content’s been great. However, I have not been able to get past the voice. There’s been something about the sound of it, or the tongue clicking, or the poor editing. I’m not sure what it was, or even just the quality of the voice. And I’m like, I can’t listen to this. I’ll just jump online and read the transcript.

Laura: Yeah, I’m exactly the same. If I listen to a podcast, especially with the tongue clicks, I can be listening to the best podcast, but if I keep hearing mouth noises, I have to turn it off. But, yeah, it just makes such a difference, doesn’t it?

Sally Prosser: Yeah. And so our voice is never going to be everybody’s cup of tea, you know, on TikTok I’ve had videos go viral, and on the same video there’ll be comments going, oh, I love your voice. I could listen to it all day and comment, say, oh, your voice is so annoying. Shut up. But that’s okay. Our voice isn’t designed to be for everyone. We have this unique vibration that will resonate with particular people. That’s why it’s so important for us to use our voice, because there are people out there who are waiting for your specific frequency. This is a really good message as well. If you have that thought of, oh, there’s all these other people talking about the same topic. Yeah, that might be the case, but, uh, there will be some people that will need to hear it from your voice. And that’s why it’s really important for you. If you’ve got that calling, that message, it’s important to put it out there.

Laura: Yeah, and I often hear you say about by talking, you’re attracting the people you want to attract as well. So those people that don’t like your voice, they’re not your customer or your people anyway.

Sally Prosser: Yeah, uh, 100%. And so much of this is going back to what we were talking about earlier with the mindset. It’s how you see your voice. So it’s how you see your voice will be reflected outward. And like I shared with my story on the phone when I was working at channel seven, it’s also good to get voice coaching or to have somebody else give you feedback, because it allows you to enhance the beautiful gift you’ve already got. So I say, as a voice coach, I don’t give you a good voice. I help you release your own. I help you expand the range in your voice. So a lot of people have what I call a default voice, which is I get up and this is just how I talk deal with it. And that’s kind of the equivalent of having one outfit in

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Sally Prosser: your wardrobe. So imagine if you only had a, uh, set of activewear and you would look amazing when you were going to the gym or going for a walk. If you were going to a business meeting or a black tie ball, then potentially you wouldn’t make this as good an impression as you could have if you had the right outfit for the occasion. So that’s what voice coaching does. It gives you that range in your voice so you’re able to access a greater breadth and depth of your own voice while sounding authentically you the whole time, just as you are you in all the outfits in your wardrobe.

Laura: Yeah, that’s definitely something I struggle with. And I remember in your training as well, because, um, I find it difficult to go up and down in my voice, and you did a great module on that in your course, where when you write a speech, you add in the inflections. Is that the word?

Sally Prosser: Yes, that’s it.

Laura: Where you go up and down, and it’s really helpful. So, yeah, that’s something I struggle with. So, yeah, that’s where Sally can come in and help you with those sorts of things.

Sally Prosser: Yeah. And, um, I’m happy to share that. I call it my mic drop pattern. And so all it is is it’s a rising inflection. So, see, when you go up in the voice, the listener’s like, okay, what’s to come? What’s to come? If you do it on complete statements, it sounds like, you know, if you always go up when you’re meant to be finished, then it sounds like you’re not sure. However, if you hold the rising inflection, take a pause, and then land your point. It’s a beautiful technique to keep the audience with you and to make sure you’re giving your content the emphasis it deserves. Sometimes speakers will say something completely extraordinary, but it’s said in such a way that sounds like they’re reading their shopping list. So you could sort of dismiss the importance of it. You’re like, hang on, what was that? So, with our vocal delivery, and I love working in this area, as you know, with your vocal delivery, you really can ensure that your message gets to the audience so they understand the gravity of it as well.

So thanks so much today, Sally, for all your tips and advice

Laura: So thanks so much today, Sally, for all your tips and advice. They’re so useful. I mean, I found you so helpful in my journey to find confidence in my own voice, and I hope other people have today. So where can people find you?

Sally Prosser: Oh, uh, Laura, thank you so much. I’m so proud of you, and I’m so glad that I got to meet you in person in Perth. Yes, I’m not an international woman of mystery. I’m on all the platforms, the inboxes. I man the most, I suppose you could say, would be Instagram, alyproservoice, and also on LinkedIn. I’d love you to connect and share how you found this episode.

Laura: Thanks so much, Sally. And I’ll put all the links in the show notes.

Sally Prosser: Thank you. Wonderful to see you.

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